Palace Archive. Centre Borja, Sant Cugat del Vallès.

Letter from Estefania de Requesens i Roís de Liori (1526 ? – Barcelona 1546), to her mother Hipòlita Roís de Liori, countess of Palamós, where she tells of various personal, family and economic matters typically pertinent to the relationship between mother and daughter.

Estefania de Requesens i Roís de Liori, wrote to her mother, Hipòlita Roís de Liori i de Montcada, countess of Palamòs, in the period between 1533 and 1540, a great amount of letters, of which 124 have been conserved.

Hipòlita and Estefania were two women of the nobility, between the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, the first, a widow from a very young age, had to look after the administration of the extensive family properties in absolute freedom. Estefania, who had a shorter life, and only survived her mother by a few years, who was the only heir to her father, Lluís de Requesens i Joan de Soler, and to her mother, lived differently. She married Juan de Zúñiga i Avellaneda, son of the count of Miranda, in the year 1526, when she was between 18 and 25 years old. Her first son, Lluís de Requesens i Zúñiga, kept up the lineage of his maternal grandfather, in inheriting the surname through his mother; he played, as did his father, an active role in the Castilian court. Estefania moved to that court in the year 1535 and from there wrote most of the letters that she sent to her mother.

Estefania’s letters to her mother are an extraordinary source; accounts written from what we would call setting out from the self that allow us, through reading them, to learn of the developments of her life, and of that of the people that surrounded her, in a way that is so direct and close that they draw you in and make you feel that you have entered a private space.

Whilst it is true that the letters provide information about political events, matters of the court, and other aspects of which history concerns itself widely with what is “public”, the interest of the epistolary lies in the fact that it is “private”, that is to say that it gives us elements with which to construct history from other perspectives, amongst them, that of personal relationships, like the practice of relationship between women.

From the letters that Estefania wrote to her mother, I have chosen one, although I refer to others in the course of my essay.

Most dear lady,

On the XII of this month I received a letter from your ladyship that I believe was from the XXX of the last, even though the date was XXII. And on the next day don Guillem and dona Constança passed through here, due to which I wrote to your ladyship briefly, both in order to to attend to them and because that same day, don Juan, my lord, arrived, from Barcelona, where he has been for eleven days, which I also hold to account for the other absences. What I missed out in that one I will make up for in this by responding at length to that of your ladyship.

In relation to my pregnancy, it is improving, I am already eating much better than I was and do not have an upset stomach, or any other problem, praise be to God. And that is as your ladyship says, that those that she has wanted to take have been better brought up, that I count on getting revenge with whippings and that your ladyship will allow them as she does with those of Lluïsico.

I do not think that it is two, but even if it is, do not lose heart, your ladyship, I feel myself strong and hope of God that, through the blessings and prayers of your ladyship, I will give birth as you desire. I keep from excesses and eat good meats and I will use raisins, that I know well are very good.

The wife of the rational teacher was right in what she said about the arrival of the marquess, as I wrote of at more length in another letter to your ladyship. And no doubt you can believe that I was happy in the extreme to see her and kiss her hands here, but howver, she took us by surprise, and so, in order to comply with what we ought, we had a little work. But, in the end everything went reasonably well. She was very grieved not to find your ladyship here. And she even thought that she would not find us after having been so solicitious as to come this way only to see us. They come so well accompanied and in such a way that they seem a court. And she comes with such delicious dresses that I have not seen on the Empress anything similar. She walked through Barcelona with all her gala and has visited churches, where everyone got on very well with her. She was visited by the ladies with whom she met there. From here, she wrote to your ladyship; I sent it with the chaplain of don Francisco de Rebolledo.

Without swearing to it I will believe that your ladyship spends time thinking about my person and discourse, and thus I have been right in what we have done until now. And what we think to do until the welcome arrival of your ladyship is to be here until Easter week and read the Vita Christi instead of sermons; and then go to Montserrat, where I have the hope of kissing the hands of your ladyship and receiving your presence after my arrival here, that being in Monzón it seemed to me that I would find you where I left you. May the Lord direct the business in such a way that soon and with great health and joy your ladyship might return to her house.

The consolation was considerable on finding Lluïset, when we arrived, so handsome and healthy, and thus is he now, thank God, and so well brought up, as I have written to your ladyship, that he does not need whipping or a cross face, but rather to be given blessings and praise in everything that he does, everything is well done and he learns, which is a marvel. And, even so, he has made his father very angry, although I would want to whip him, I think he would not bear it, especially after your ladyhsip ordered it in your letter, all the more because truly he has not needed it, as I say, since I have never seen such a change, both in complexion and condition; he is grown but not much, but he is fatter than he used to be.

His teacher perseveres marvelously, and these days I was afraid of losing him because the abbess of Valldonzella wanted to offer him the chaplaincy of that house, which is a life position and a very good one, and he, the good man, as your ladyship had left him here with this charge, did not want to accept. I, as I saw the letter that they sent him, I told him that if it was something that was to his satisfaction, that he should not forgo it, that although it would grieve me greatly to lose him, I would be happy for his situation. And with this he went to talk to the abbess to clarify it and, according to what he has told me, he has determined not to accept it. Write to him your ladyship thanking him for it, it is right that we all should, since he does it so well.

I am happy that your ladyship has talked alone with sor Requesens and is hopeful of talking to her again, and also that she is so prepared to obey your ladyship in all the things that, doing it thus, she cannot err and it is no doubt that with this she obliges her to have her as a daughter of her own and in this account we will all do the same. The nuns have done it all badly, but as your ladyship is on top of it, I am sure that all will be resolved as you say, please be to God that it is so and soon.

Concerning that of sor Custòdia, they have not been able to give her the veil without her making a summary declaration that she is not married, and because of this it is necesary that the other part swears before a judge that she has never had this intention, as she swore many times to the Abbot of Montserrat and other people. We will try in Monzón that Mr Martí Sunyer take the oath and, after having promised that she would do it, she has said that she did not want to swear more than she had sworn. And from that Mr Camós took some hope of the ones he wants to have, although he hides it, and has taken the papers that without that oath can be declared. They will not be able to be finished, we have to work on it but the mother schemes so much that I think also she will upset it as she has until now, especially as her husband fails to shut her up at all.

I have not seen the nun because I haven’t been in Barcelona except for the three Christmas feast days and with the guests I had not time for myself. From here I have written exhorting her continuously; I do not know what use it will be. She has sessions every day. Eight or ten days ago I sent her the pears and pomegranates that she asked for.

As His Majesty left Monzón so unhappy, the consultation of Catalonia was not made. Now, since the XXIIII has done as he should, I think that it will be made, and thus the business of the archdeacon Margarit, and that of don Jeroni, may he be commended, and his Majesty and the high command, very informed of the goodness of people. And now, with the post that went with the conclusion of the Courts, don Juan, my lord, has written, reminding him and begging him again, that, thanks to God, he continues to have the happiness of being appreciated by all, that all of those from Barcelona were very happy to see how well he negotiated with the XXIIII, and I think that His Majesty will be so too. The senior advisor went to visit him, after they had closed, to ask for advice about some things that happened to them.

Despite all these tasks, he is very well from his accidents, may God keep him, and gives gifts to the pregnant one as he is accustomed to doing.

The lady aunt is in Barcelona and is very well.

The letter for dona Juana de Beamont I haven’t seen, as since the sheet arrived in Barcelona before here, they gave it to her there and then.

Here we are hurrying to plant the vineyard and we have a very good season. It has rained a lot these past days and the river has grown greatly, but praise be to God, only until the floodgate. The mill here has very little to grind with such abundance of water. The one in Martorell has hardly ground anything since we have been here because the irrigation has suffered two floods and the one of the last rains is very big, and the river has broken a piece of the irrigation, which will cost a lot to put right; they are already seeing to it diligently.

I would like to begin to produce silk this year, given that my idea is to be here until San Joan. I beg your ladyship to have sent to me with the first two ounces of good seed, and we will see how I manage it the first time.

I also beg your ladyship to have sent to me grafts of salatin lemons and the chicks for caste that I wrote of to you before. And if there are any plants of trees that we don’t have here, those too.

The mayor of Abrera has asked me to remind your ladyship of her business of the recotory of Abrera and that, if it seems to her that he has to come there to negociate it, that you should advise him, that straight away he will come.

Lluïset I believe will write to your ladyship, that is why he does not greet you here; mine I will order to be given to sor Requesens.

And I end in begging our Lord that He protect the most dear person of your ladyship and that your state might prosper, as I desire and have need of.

From Molins de Rei, XV day of January.

Of your ladyship your greatest servant and most obedient daughter who kisses your hands.

Molt egrègia senyora,

A XII d’aquest rebí una lletra de vostra senyoria que crec era del XXX del passat, encara que la data era XXII. I l’endemà passarem per ací don Guillem i dona Constança, ab los quals escriguí a vostra senyoria breu, així per hospedar a ells com per ser aquell mateix dia arribat don Juan, mon senyor, de Barcelona, a on ha estat XI dies, que també’ls pose en compte de les altres absències. Lo que en aquella falti esmenaré en aquesta responent llarg a la de vostra senyoria.

Quant al meu prenyat, ell se va adobant, que ja menge molt millor que solia i no tinc sollevament de ventrell, ni altre ningun accident, llaors a Déu. I així és com vostra senyoria diu, que los que ella s’ha volgut pendre són estats més ben criats, que fas compte que’m venjaré ab assots i que vostra senyoria’ls consentirarà com fa los de Lluïsico.

No crec que sien dos, però encara que’n sien, no desmaie vostra senyoria, que jo’m sent bon esforç i espere en Déu que, per les benediccions i oracions de vostra senyoria, me deslliurarà com ella desija. Jo’m guarde de fer excessos i menge bones viandes i usaré les panses, que bé sé que són molt bones.

La muller del mestre racional acertà en lo que dix de la venguda de la marquesa, com més llargament ho tinc escrit ab altra a vostra senyoria. I sens dubte, pot creure que he folgat en extrem de veure-la i besar-li les mans ací, sinó que ens pres descuidadament, i així, per complir ab lo que devíem, tinguérem un poc de treball. Però en fi, tot anà raonablement. A ella li ha pesat molt no trobar a vostra senyoria ací. I encara pensava no trobaria a nosaltres aprés d´haver treballat a tota sa requesta de venir per aquest camí sols per veure’ns. Venen tan ben acompanyats i ab tan gran estat que par un cort. I ella ve ab tan riquíssims vestits que no he vist a l’emperatriç cosa que s’hi acoste. És-se passejada per Barcelona ab tota sa gala i visitat esgrésies, per on resten tots molt bé amb ella. Fou visitada de les senyores que allí’s trobaren. Des d’ací, escrigué a vostra senyoria; ab lo capellà de don Francisco de Rebolledo la envií.

Sens jurament creuré que despèn vostra senyoria temps en pensar en nostre ésser i discurs, i així ha acertat en lo que fins ací havem fet. I lo que pensam fer fins a la benaventurada venguda de vostra senyoria és estar-nos ací fins a la Setmana Santa i llegir lo Vita Christi en lloc de sermons; i per a llavors anar a Montserrat, a on tinc esperança de besar les mans a vostra senyoria i cobrar sa presència aprés que só arribada ací, que sent en Montsó me paria que l’havia de trobar a on la deixí. Plàcia a nostre Senyor encaminar los negocis de manera que prest i ab molta salut i alegria torne vostra senyoria en sa casa.

No fou poca la consolació de trobat a Lluïset, com arribàrem, tan bonico i sanet, i així està ara, llaors a Déu, i tan ben criat, com tinc escrita a vostra senyoria, que no ha menester assots ni mala cara, sinó dar-li benediccions i lloar-li tot quant fa, que tot és ben fet i aprèn que és meravella. I ab tot acò, ha fet passar les bravures a son pare, que encara que jo’l volgués assotar, crec que no ho sofriria, especialment aprés que vostra senyoria ho manà en sa lletra, quant més que en veritat no n’ha menester, com dic, que mai he vist tal mudança, així en la complexió com en la condició; par-me que és crescut però no molt, però està més grosset que solia.

Son mestre persevera meravellosament, i estos dies haguí por de perdre’l perquè l’abadessa de Valldonzella li volia dar la vicaria d’aquella casa, que és cosa de vida i molt bona, i ell, lo bon home, per haver-lo deixat vostra senyoria ací ab tal càrrec, no ho ha volgut acceptar. Jo, com viu la lletra que li feien, li diguí que si era cosa que li satisfés que ho ho deixàs, que encara que’m pesaria molt perdre’l que folgaria de tota sa endreça. I ab açò ell anà a parlar ab l’abadessa per a dar-li raó i, segons m’ha dit, ha determinat de no acceptar-ho. Escriva-li vostra senyoria agraint-lo-hi, que raó és que ho façam tots, puix ell ho fan tan bé.

Molt folgue haja parlat vostra senyoria a soles ab sor Requesens i que tinga esperança de parlar-li altra volta, i també que ella estiga tan posada en obeir a vostra senyoria en totes coses que, fent-ho així, no pot errar i no és dubte sinó que ab això l’obliga a tenir-la per pròpia filla i en aquest compte la tendrem tots. Les monges ho han fet tot mal, però puix vostra senyoria hi té les mans, tinc per cert que s’adobarà tot com diu, plàcia a Déu que sia així i prest.

Quant al de sor Custòdia, no s’ha pogut acabar que li donassen lo vel sens que no’s faça una sumària declaració que no és matrimoni, i per ad açò és menester que l’altre part jure davant jutge que mai és estada tal sa intenció, com ho ha jurat moltes voltes a l’abat de Montserrat i a altres persones. Procuràrem en Montsó que misser Martí Sunyer prengués lo jurament i, aprés d’haver promès que’l faria, ha dit que no volia jurar-ho més del que ho havia jurat. I d’açò pres mossèn Camós alguna esperança de les que ell vol tenir, encara que ho dessimula, i ha portat papers que sens aquell jurament hi poden declarar. No se’ls porà acabar, treballar-hi hem, però la mare trama tant que també crec que ho embarassarà com fins ací, especialment que son marit no li calla res.

A la monja no l’he vista perquè no estiguí en Barcelona sinó les tres festes de Nadal i ab los hostes no era de mi mateixa. Des d’ací li he escrit exhortant-la totstemps; no se lo que aprofitarà. Té sessions cada dia. Ha VIII o X dies he-li enviat les peres i magranes que demanava.

Com Sa Majestat partí tan descontent de Montsó, no’s féu la consulta de Catalunya. Ara puix la XXIIII ha fet lo que devia, crec se farà, i així lo negoci de l’ardiaca Margarit, com lo de don Jeroni, resta molt comanat, i sa Majestat i’l comanador major, molt informats de la bondat de les persones. I ara, ab lo correu que és anada la conclusió de les Corts, ha escrit don Juan, mon senyor, recordant i suplicant-ho de nou, lo qual, gràcies a Déu segueix sa bona ditxa de ser benvolgut de tothom, que tots los de Barcelona resten contentíssims de veure quant bé ha negociat ab la XXIIII, i també crec que ho estarà sa Majestat. Lo conseller en cap l’anà a vesitar, aprés que hagueren clos, per a pendre son consell sobre algunes coses que’ls ocorrien.

Ab tots estos treballs, està molt bo de sos accidents, guard-lo Déu, i regala a la prenyada com bé té acostumat.

La senyoria tia és en Barcelona i està molt bona.

La lletra per a dona Juana de Beamont no he vista, que com arribà lo plec a Barcelona primer que ací, des d’allà la hi donaren.

Ací’ns donam pressa en acabar de plantar la vinya i tenim molt bona saó. Ha plogut estos dies passats molt i lo riu és vengut molt gran, però llaors a Déu, no ha fet sinó molt bé en la reclosa. Lo molí d’ací té molt poc que moldre com hi ha tanta abundància d’aigua. Lo de Martorell no ha mòlt escassament res des que som ací perquè ha fet lo rec de dos sosiades i la de les darreres aigües molt gran, i lo riu ha trencast un tros de rec, que costarà molt a remediar; ja s’hi entén ab diligència.

Jo voldria començar a fer seda enguany, puix pense estar ací fins a Sant Joan. Suplic a vostra senyoria me mane enviar ab lo primer dos unces de llavor que sia bona, i vejam com me sabré deseixir la primera volta.

També suplique a vostra senyoria me mane enviar los empelts de llimons de satalí i los colomins per a la casta que ab altra li he escrit. I, si aquí hi ha algunes plantes d’arbres que ací no tingam, també.

Lo batle d’Abrera m’ha pregada que recordàs a vostra senyoria que son negoci de la rectoria d’Abrera i que, si li par que ell dega anar aquí per negociar-ho, que’l ne mane avisar, que en la mateixa hora, partirà.

Lluïset crec que escriurà a vostra senyoria, per ço no pose ací son besamans; lo meu manarà dar a sor Requesens.

I acabe suplicant a nostre Senyor la molt egrègia persona de vostra senyoria guarde i estat prospere, com jo desige i he menester.

De Molín de Rei, a XV de giner.

De vostra senyoria major servidora i més obedient filla que les mans li besa.

In order to make history of recent times we can count on sources that the same people who live through them provide us with; they are oral sources, direct or indirect, that allow us to know, through the word, the lives of women and men and their way of understanding the world. When we go back further in time, we have to look for the words in the literature, in administrative or private documentation, or more rarely in personal writings, in such a way that it is often difficult to discover the meaning that those words have, what they wish to say about the way of living the world.

We have to understand the importance of the letters of Estefania within the context of historical reality, that which constitutes what is private, that which does not exclude women by considering that their lives has no more importance than the perpetuation of the patriarchy.

Luisa Muraro says, in her work The Symbolic Order of the Mother, that the mother teaches us to talk and many other things that are at the foundation of human civilisation. With those teachings the symbolic order of the mother is transmitted to us; language has a symbolic function that allows us to interpret what is real. The rules of the mother tongue are born of the necessity for mediation, they are what the mother imposes so that we might communicate back to her sharing her experience with the world.

We witness then, reading the letters of Estefania to her mother, a making of the symbolic order in its primordial essence: she relates to Hipòlita through the language that she had taught her, sharing her life in order to thus make the world. In spite of the physical distance, the mother-daughter relationship is constant; the letters follow on with a separation of two or three days, a week… Estefania wrote to her mother whenever she could, with the account of what she was doing, what she was thinking, what she was feeling, what Muraro defines as the complete circle of mediation, body and word.

And thus, in that as in all the rest I would like to know how to follow in the footsteps of the one who brought me up, especially to give that rest to your ladyship, given that another service I cannot give her.

Estefania recognises with these words maternal genealogy, and that she needs the attributes of the potency and the work of the mother who has brought her into the world and she declares herself as one who continues with her work.

The role of Hipòlita as a mother, transcends biological maternity when it is recognised by Estefania, in one of her letters, as mother of Beatriu Margarit i de Requesens, daughter of the step-daughter of Hipòlita, Joana Mateua de Requesens i de Montcada, by then dead. In that case, the condition of daughter comes as given through the word and obedience to the mother:

I am happy that your ladyship has talked alone with sor Requesens and is hopeful of talking to her again, and also that she is so prepared to obey your ladyship in all the things that, doing it thus, she cannot err and it is no doubt that with this she obliges her to have her as a daughter of her own and in this way we will all do the same.

Hipòlita has authority, that authority is not only recognised by her daughter, of her same gender, Lluís de Zúñiga, also accepts it when he recognises her as mother. We cannot in that case consider that “the symbolism of birth [is] a recognition of the maternal work, but it goes hand in hand with the total lack of social authority of women of flesh and bone... it is rather a way of stripping the mother of her prerogatives”, because the work of the mother and the relationship with the daughter show us that, whilst in general it may have been like that, whenever they have been able to, mothers have used their authority, they have turned maternity into a practice of feminine freedom.

According to L. Muraro, the figure of the maternal continuum forms part of the symbolic order of the mother, and through mother predecessors brings us to, from within, the principles of life; that structure makes a bridge between nature and culture. In that way, we find the origins of sexual difference: the creature of the feminine sex is situated at the central and at the same time finishing point of the maternal continuum, which reopens every time that a daughter becomes a mother.

To become a mother is symbolically relevant; it defines the relationship of a woman with her mother because it has as its background their originary relationship. Estefania had seven sons and four daughters, which undoubtedly meant an important part of her life that she shared with her mother – in her letters she talks to her of her pregnancies, she explains to her how she is managing with them, if she feels well or ill, if she is getting fat, the symptoms that allow her to foresee if they will be son or daughter. She even compares her pregnancies with those that her mother had had: In relation to my pregnancy, it is improving, I am already eating much better than I was and do not have an upset stomach, or any other problem, praise be to God. And that is as your ladyship says, that those that she has wanted to take have been better brought up, that I count on getting revenge with whippings and that your ladyship will allow them as she does with those of Lluïsico. When she foresees that she will have a daughter it is not a problem for her, unlike what happens to a woman that she knows, even if I had three... better than having none.

As the noble and wealthy women did not breastfeed their sons and daughters, a concern was the finding and choosing of the wetnurse, which Estefania consults her mother about, she speaks to her of the qualities that she wishes her to have and, when she has made up her mind, she explains to her what she is like, how she behaves and the devotion that she has towards the baby.

The observation of the work of the wetnurse is careful and constant. We can think now about what relationship the figure of the wetnurse and other women who looked after babies had, in substitution of the biological mother, in “the one who takes her place” transmitting the symbolic, the way of living the world. Here the feminine mediation, the symbiosis between the biological mother and the one who substitutes for her, takes on importance, given that it means putting into relationship what in those women remains of the primordial “fixation” with the matrix of life, something that functions as a bond in the succession of the substitutions of each mother that, after being a daughter, becomes a mother.

When the time to give birth comes closer, Estefania expresses continuously her desire for her mother to be present at the births, which cannot be, because Hipòlita cannot be there because of her occupations, although she explains to her how the birth went and what the daughter or son is like; she describes them physically, how they are, how they eat and even how they dress.

The importance that maternity has for Estefania is such that she also explains in her letters the pregnancies and the births of the women that she has relationships with. It is clear that maternity is not an individual matter, but that it intervenes in an important way in the women’s relationships, in that sharing of the creating work of the world.

In the words of Luisa Muraro the world is born with the complete circle of mediation; it is a circle of body and word which makes women the protagonists of what some women historians have called the “practices of creation and recreation of life and of human living together” which are those that make it possible to come to the world and maintain life, transmitting and making at the same time the symbolic order of the mother.

The pregnancies, the births and the breastfeeding make up a part of those practices, fundamental to begin life, and the others, those necessary to maintain it: the care of bodies that is translated, amongst others, into the care of infants and ill people, and the preparation of foods, amongst others.

Health is one of Estefania’s constant preocupations. She worries about how all the people who surround her are: the empress, the emperor, the prince, her son, her husband, her aunt, her brother-in-law, the women that she lives with and who serve her. If she has to take care personally of the ill men and ill women, she does so, even making them broths “in our way”, the process of making of which she explains with care to her mother.

The illnesses and the state of the ill people are the object of a daily follow up that she relates as she goes along. When she needs some medication she ask her mother: an ointment, some powders, that the countess herself prepares; her daughter asks her to send the recipe.

But the person she most worries about is her mother: she recommends that she not do fasting for Advent and Lent because the food typical of those times do not suit her. When Hipòlita gets ill, Estefania suffers, she ask her to keep her informed of how she is doing and until a time has passed after her symptoms abate she does not stop worrying.

The care of the body, also in health, is another of the daily aspects that mother and daughter share, such as when Estefania asks Hipòlita repeatedly to send her some powders for the teeth of the emperor, or some perfumes for the ladies of the court. They share the obtaining and elaboration of foods, such as when Hipòlita sends her daughter made products – for example marmalades, jams or marzipans- and others to obtain them afterwards, such as the plantings of vines and lemon trees. Estefania also details on several occasions the products that she sends to her mother, such as fruits, cheeses and conserved meats.

Love of the mother makes symbolic order, and Estefania loves her mother: her words express this every time that she writes to Hipòlita. She continuously expresses her desire for a meeting of mother-daughter, she is aware that her mother feels the same towards her: Without swearing to it I will believe that your ladyship spends time thinking about my person and discourse, and thus I have been right in what we have done until now. The comunication between both goes beyond words and distance.

Mother and daughter have made the pact to always tell each other the truth about the things that they share through the letters, especially in relation to health. That mutual trust can be seen to be expressed on various occasions: And that is what your ladyship says, that, if we do not write each other the truth, we would never be sure of each other, and for this I beg your ladyship to do as she says, and I will do the same. Thus, Estefania always explains how the family is and the other people who she lives with, such as when in one of her letters she writes that her son Lluís has small pox and her daughter Catalina has died: [...] however I have had one upset after another, when they come they don’t come alone, and that way it should be better, since our Lord has been served to place in his glory, six weeks after being born, my little daughter, who died on Tuesday, day of saint Matthew, at eight in the morning, of a spasm, which did not last long, an hour and a half, that at half past six she began with it, and in that time it got her three times, which was enough to finish with her. Everything happened in my arms, I carried her dead in them, although before she gave a little yawn. Estefania tries to console herself and to give consolation to her mother after that death, she asks her to watch her health, since she needs her to overcome the solitude that she feels because her daughter has left her.

That feeling of solitude, although not in such tragic circumstances, is expressed by Estefania other times, such as when she talks about the king and other men of the court who will go to war and which makes the empress and the other women suffer, and she gives thanks to God because she is not left alone.

Through her words, Estefania has transmitted to us what Luisa Muraro explains as follows: the ancient relationship with the mother gives us a lasting and true point of view about what is real, it does not separate being and thought, it is nurtured from the reciprocal interest between being and language.

A reflection could be initiated in class on the central place of war and conflict in historical interpretation, which leaves to one side wide areas of life, of practices, of relationships between men and women, which are much more important.

Introduce into the discussion the movement of change that seems to have come about between many men and women, who have understood that the argument of force, which leads to war and to conflict, is not inevitable in politics. If we understand by politics, that “first person politics” that Luisa Muraro speaks of to us in the text, that manages and conserves human living-together. By these means, “flags are and become words, and words are mediation”, as the philosopher herself says to us in a press article written in response to the Iraq war and of all the peace movement and social response. A response where a strong presence of women is denoted, who bring to the market square, to the place of demonstration, the necessary link between freedom and life.

Find out about different experiences of feminine authority and mediation which spread peace practices in the present-day world: the “Città felice” of Catania, the movement of Women in Black of the ex-Yugoslavia, etc.

Luisa Muraro, “They Are Not Flags; They Are Words”

They are not flags, although they carry this name, the flags of peace that have changed the look of cities and too, at bottom, our way of inhabiting them. They are words of a language finally found in order to speak a feeling of closeness or neighbourliness and to communicate it, a closeness or neighbourliness of home and humanity that goes beyond all kind of barriers although remaining close to itself, without invading or attacking the other. In extremis, I do not know how, a language has been found in order to say something that seemed lost: the value of shared living that opens itself to an exchange with others. It has been found, unforeseeably, without the help of intellectuals, politicians, the media, parties. It has been found on the occasion of a war that tried to be the answer of the West to the trauma of the eleventh of September. And that, however, - we know – is a terrible and blind reaction of men lacking almost everything that is needed in politics, beginning with moral authority. Due to which, amongst the other disasters, there is also the fact that nobody has been in the position of helping the people of the United States to work out the meaning of a fragility discovered in the most traumatic way, to help it to not live it as a humiliation and to get back on the road again of civilisation.

Nobody? I am wrong. Now there are these rainbow flags that have begun to flower on the walls, little by little, first a few, then many, on certain streets many indeed, on others still few and, for that reason, more visible, all put out without arrogance, frequently fighting with the wind, which tears them to shreds. And these flags send a message to the United States, although it be only from a peripheral country such as ours. They say that houses are the shelter of live bodies and their things, but a fragile shelter and exposed to violence, in respect of which they offer – and this is the invention, the new thing, the way of civilisation – the symbolic shelter of signifying a will for peace.

Something big is happening. Will it last, some commentators have wondered. We do not know. But I think that it will not go back to being like before, at least for me and many women and men like me. Before the field was taken up with a dilemma between the positions of the pacifists and the realists, these latter repeating: in politics, one cannot be without the argument of force and, therefore, without the possibility of war, and others replying: war is always an errors, war devours all reasons, including the best ones. As if there were nothing more to say, and it has been that way for many women and men, that we didn’t know what to say. Now, however, we do know: for us and them what there is, is not war/peace, but rather there is this historical moment caught up in problems and threats, in which we can try to practise peace, not in general but peace possible here and now. How? I do not know all the answer, but I do know the beginning, we have found it, it is to come out of the isolation and muteness of a more and more alienated shared living, in order to signify, together, our reciprocal closeness and our common neighbourliness with the women and men hit or threatened by the destructive violence. The commentators see the newness of this movement, but they almost don’t see that it is politics, in a nascent sense: it is primary politics and affects the texture of living in relationship.

Those flags are words and words are mediation. The beginning of the answer is, then, the work of mediation. A work that is not limited to and does not even consist essentially of special diplomatic missions, because mediation, like the language that we speak, is a continuum and, without a solution of continuity, travels from the word that is exchanged with the neighbour of one’s home to the possibility of a resolving agreement. Fare pace dove c’è guerra is the title of a recent publication of the Milan Women’s Bookstore. And it say, speaking of the 15th February: this “enough of war forever” expressed by millions of women and men, is not given as a project to place on a future horizon, nor does it stay hanging in an ideal time, but rather is already present in daily practices, in the concrete forms of a politics that is aimed at practising peace here and now.

I agree; I only want to ad done thing. In the change that Fare pace describes in terms of the context of acting peacefully, what shows through as a factor of change is a free presence of women. It ought to give arguments. There are the numbers: of the greater majority of people who are against this way, the greatest majority are women. There is, besides, that the signs of peace, prohibited in the public buildings of the State, are multiplied on the window sills of the houses, places governed in the past and still today, above all, by women. And there is the style of the marches in the street, which is changing. The reactive need to oppose oneself is attenuated, in order to make room for the meaning of being with others, on sharing projects and feelings.

The first to notice it and who related it to the presence of women, was the editor of this newspaper. Commenting upon the enormous march of the CGIL (General Confederation of Work), in Rome, I remember that he wrote: it is a huge crowd, which, in itself, would cause fear, but it does not cause fear, thanks to the great presence of women. It is happening perhaps because a woman takes something to the street that remains associated with domestic life, I don’t know, but I do not consider it to be degrading, rather it seems to me a way of saving the domestic reclusion of so many women of the past.

As will be remembered, the Eighth of March of this year has been dedicated to the fight for peace, and some feminists have expressed the concern that this might reinforce the stereotype of “woman equal to peace”. To me it seems that just the opposite is taking place, that the forced association between women and peace no longer surprises, substituted by words and gestures that speak of a link between freedom and life, too frequently ignored and broken in the history of men. A link trusted to the work of mediation, as well as the gesture of rupture, never one without the other. I think of Moretti jumping onto the box of Piazza Navona. I think, at this moment, of the Pope, who has broken with a diplomatic tradition of equidistance, to do everything that was possible for him, without calculations of power. The difference of our being women/men thus turns into a resource of political creativity; men are liberated from the threatening meaning of their virility.

To those of us who live in Italy, we have to carry the weight of being counted amongst those who supported the war against Iraq. We know that it is not true, but we will have to prove it, and before anything else, continue to know that it is not true: to know it within us and around us, in the relationships with those who will end up not wanting to know anything about it. It is explained well by a brave woman from the ex-Yugoslavia: when there is war, language is militarised by a kind of contamination that is all the stronger when what people want to know about what is happening around them is all the weaker (Fare pace dove c’è guerra).

Around us, together with a war that we have not wanted, there has been given a little peace, wanted, conceived, brought to the World by women and men. Let it remain amongst us and them, with the capacity to bring us into relationship with each other, almost a social pact of a new and happy kind. (Translation into English from the translation into Castilian by María-Milagros Rivera Garretas).